It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
