I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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