I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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