3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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