He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
