I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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