Cold hands, warm shart.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
