Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
