I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
