I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
