Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
