Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
