thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We need to get me chipped asap
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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