I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
that's an acceptable place to lick
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize