Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
