the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
