i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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