hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
