i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
