she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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