His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
