I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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