Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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