god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
