it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
