Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
