is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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