oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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