My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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