I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
