Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
