My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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