imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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