woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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