Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
