Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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