She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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