On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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