I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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