ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
