We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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