guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do vagina's smell?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
