you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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