just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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