i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
These tits shall not be calmed
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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