Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
