he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
