He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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