If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
