I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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