It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
