I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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