The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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