Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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