okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
