he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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