Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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