I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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