oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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