I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
