the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
