I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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