i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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