Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
