Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize