also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
