Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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