your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
