I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
